friends ↘↖
My friends like me for me, not because I sing like Pavarotti, or because I'm such a hottie...
- Bella: What time are you going to the bar tonight?
- Brian: Not sure, after band practice. You?
- Bella: Not sure either. I have to shower. I think there's vodka in my hair.
- Brian: I love you.
- Bella: I know. How could you not?
You’re like a little kid and an old lady all rolled into one.
— Nico’s diagnosis of my various personality disorders.
That's one way to let him down gently.
- Meghan: I was on this awful date, but I couldn't figure out how to end it. He wouldn't shut up!
- Bella: I hate that.
- Meghan: Seriously, I'm just not good at rejecting people.
- Bella: Me neither. That's why I give so many blow jobs.
9.) Preparedness is the key to survival in unknown territory.
ie, Get a Brazilian wax before each and every vacation.
—
Horribella’s Advice for The Children.
Thanks to Nico, for classing it up.
nerdycatlady asked: I still wish we could have gone through the revenge scenario that night. Drink in the face? Me pretending I was his ex and that he gave herpes to? I'm sick of guys thinking they need to paint this story to get in our pants. Honesty is best. Well, now you're working up toward LA and leaving this loser in the dust.
Seriously, we were all set to B & Serena that twerp until he pussed out. (How many pop culture/TV references can I cram into this post?)
But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If you want to just bang, just say that… and bang. There is nothing wrong with it. We’re a lot more likely to say yes, and we have nobody but ourselves to blame if we enter into something knowingly. The lovely lady who posted this comment agrees, and she’s a way nicer girl than I am.
This is just another dude who proves that we have completely drained Boston of dates. There are no other fish in that sea, just bottom feeders. I’m glad I’ve got some untapped territory now. And they say NY is home to the most beautiful people in the world… I’ll just keep fishing my way west.
(Above image from -odd-person-.tumblr.com).
Oh, hai, Tumblr Tues.
- Bella: I actually sexxed the nosering out of my face last night.
- Lola: See, that's why we're friends.
- Bella: Because that makes me your hero?
- Lola: Because I've totally done that before.
P.T.S.D.
- Bella: I was so unproductive today. I had a mile long list of things to do, but instead I just laid around like I was suffering from Post Traumatic Sex Disorder.
- Lola: Well, was it good at least? The sex, I mean.
- Bella: Oh god, yes.
- Lola: Then I'd consider that a productive day after all.
I’m late. Posting, I mean. ONLY posting.
It was because of labor. Labor DAY I mean.
Sheesh, get your buns out of the oven and your minds out of the gutter. I think there’s been quite enough baby talk on this blog for a while.
The harder I try to stick to a steady schedule of posting for you, the more life seems determined to jump in and complicated things. Isn’t that always the way it goes? Luckily, when my life is filled with mundane chaos (how’s that for a contradiction), my friends regale me with their own debaucherous tales. So since I’m already running late, I’ll share one of those little nuggets with you.
My friend Charlie has been living la vida single guy since about January. He was happy to find that unlike the island on Lost, it IS possible to leave Girlfriend Island, possibly to never return. A serial monogamist in the past, he’s found himself single for an extended period of time for the first time in his adult life. He’s been enjoying getting his feet wet as he wades back into the dating pool.
Recently, he was lounging in a gal’s bed “after a marathon.” She was looking for something in the drawer in her bedside table, rummaging about, and she then returned to bed. Half asleep, he heard her cell phone buzz beside him, and pulled it out of the nightstand mumbling, “Oh, you’re phone is ring-” Only as he started to hand it over did he realize that her phone was oddly… phallic. The object vibrating in his hand was not at all a phone.. Since there was no recovering from or denying the situation, he asked if it had a name. “Oh, that’s Steve,” she responded.
Charlie took that as his cue to leave. You know what they say, three’s a crowd. Steve was clearly planning on staying around longer than Charlie was - at least until his batteries ran out.
Bella: I think first dates are nice when they're kind of casual.
- Jane: Yeah, my last first date, I wasn't even sure it was a date until...
- Bella: Until you had sex?
- Jane: No. It was a little while after that.
Lizzie’s Life, chapter 2
Sometimes I feel like Lizzie and I are competing in the Special Olympics of dating.
Remember her mystery man from the garage? Her consolation prize after her date with the Dungeonmaster?
Well, they went out. She was nervous and excited. She called me from the parking lot of the bar, ruminating about all of the things she didn’t yet know about him. I encouraged her to go in. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?
She texted me a little while later. “Disaster - he’s 20 with a fake ID.”
She still took him out to her car and made out with him. She figured she owed it to the future generation of single ladies to show him a trick or two.
Playing Mrs. Robinson to a younger man is fine, as long as he can buy you a cocktail without fear of being thrown out of the bar.
Back to the drawing board she went, to hopefully draw more than a cheaply chalked ID.
