The Horrible Beauty

The above is (basically) a quote from The Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, which is one of my favorite movies. And I’ve certainly said the same thing, albeit probably less eloquently and a bit more slurred. The simple truth is that I can’t tell the difference between a boy friend and a boyfriend, and I don’t understand - let alone control - my feelings.

I mean it. I think I’ve always been this way. The only daughter of a single mother, I’ve always been mystified by males, and how to attempt to understand them. And I’ve frequently fluctuated on if men and women can actually really be friends. On the one hand, many of my close friends are guys. On the other, I’ve made out with a lot of my close friends, and at least thought about making out with most of the rest.

Maybe both Harry and Sally are right. Men and women CAN be friends, but sex will also mess everything up. It’s just that with the good friends, you get through the mess eventually.

Boys. They’re just so charming. I mean, one time this Argentinian guitar player smiled at me on a street corner, and my period was late. During the scare, I offered a Green Card marriage. My proposition was rejected, but it’s cool now; we’re Facebook friends.

The one thing that seems to set apart my boy friends and boyfriends is that most of my friends are reasonably nice to me. The same can’t be said for most of the guys I’ve dated. In an effort to stop being that jerk-loving cliche, I’ve been trying to open myself up to nicer guys. But that creates a whole other set of problems. Namely, if you’re nice all of the time, how on earth am I supposed to know if you’re hitting on me? Are guys ever nice to girls that they don’t want to hump? (Are there ever girls that guys don’t want to hump? Or vice versa?)

There’s a guy named Eddie who works near me. I met him when he came into my job once, and I invited him to an event I was organizing. To my surprise, he showed up. Eventually, we became internet friends, and even text friends. He stops by to visit me when he knows I’m working, and I’ve hung out at his job as well. However, he lives quite a ways away, so we’ve never hung out aside from our vocational crossroads. It begs the question(s); Is he a nice guy or a guy looking for more? Is he a nice guy looking for more? Is he looking for more so pretending to be a nice guy? As I’ve said, I’m oblivious when it comes to signals, so I certainly don’t know.

I do know that I was pleasantly surprised when Eddie stopped in to say hi while I was at work today. I was glad I was wearing makeup. I hope he couldn’t tell it was leftover from last night.